Dear Journal
by bubblyangel101
Summary: Why should it matter what I write in this? You won't read it, anyway.
1. Prologue

**me: **I actually wrote this before I wrote "Tomorrow," so there will be a lot of similar points in this. This is another unfinished work from the junk drawer that is my brain. Tee hee.

To clarify things:

**This is from the view of a bystander.**

_This is what is written on a computer screen._

This is from Haibara's point of view.

Got it?

**Shinichi: **Honestly, you make everything so complicated!

**me: **Oh, be quiet. You try writing fanfiction...oh wait, you can't. You're a fictional character.

**Shinichi: **Am not!

**me: **Are too!

**Ran: **Stop arguing with the author, Conan-kun. Oh wait...are you Shinichi? No, you're Conan-kun. No, you're Shinichi! WHO ARE YOU, ANYWAY?

**Shinichi: **Both?

oOo

**The blond woman in the lab was typing. Typing on what, I don't know, so don't ask me. I am just an innocent bystander.**

**She smiled (a bitter one), typed some more, hit the backspace key, and all of the usual actions that people typing on computers perform before she was called away by a tall man, a cruel man, with the marks of a frown permanently etched into the contours of his face.**

**Alright, alright, I'm getting to the point.**

**When she had gone away and no one was near, this is what was on the screen:**

_Today is going to be the first. There's no point or use in specifying dates and times. Why? Simply put, no one cares. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, anyway. After all, THEY could find it, and then, who knows? Maybe I'll be executed for voicing my opinions. Ha._

_ That's how powerful they are._

_ Well, it's not going to matter if I never say my name in this. After all, my lab and APTX 4869 are waiting for me, and the other scientists are beginning to look at me suspiciously, even if they are only my assistants._

_ I know how dangerous this is, but I'm going to say it anyway. My name is Miyano Shiho, scientist. Nice to meet you._

oOo

Most people think that I have no personality. They don't stop to chat, look, listen...just keep on hurrying by, to do whatever important thing that prohibits them from talking to the youngest scientist in the lab.

The only person who I can really open up to is Onee-san. Even with her, my time is limited. Always, always someone from the Organization pesters me to go back to my lab and work on the new poison that will be untraceable and provide a quick, silent, death.

That's no surprise. Why should they care about my personal life? In a selfish world, only the selfish survive.

oOo

The higher-ups are pestering me about APTX 4869 again. But really, I'm just trying to avoid giving them the medicine-no, poison. I never wanted to kill a person. I just have no choice.

My entire family was (and still is) part of the Organization. Nothing new. Once you join, you join for life. The only way out is death.

Recently Onee-san has been talking to me more often, and I've noticed that she seems a little...withdrawn...and a little bit scared. All I've found out is that she must be doing something dangerous, something so dangerous that she can't tell me. I told her, "Take care!" but I doubt she will listen. Really, sometimes it seems that I'm the big sister, not the other way around.

oOo

**2 months later...**

Onee-san? Can you hear me? I hope that everything's all right in heaven. There will be no more organizations to ruin your day. You can go walking barefoot in the grass and admire rainbows like you've always wanted to.

Why? Why did you leave me alone?

oOo

Heartless jerks. No, that's not even an adequate expression. "There was an accident and she died?" How is that a reasonable explanation?

How stupid of me. I guess I am the younger sister after all. If I was killed, you surely wouldn't do something as stupid as refusing to work and get yourself chained in a room, doomed to wait for your punishment and execution.

Ha. But I won't let Gin get the final laugh. If there's one thing he hates most, it's being deprived of the ability to kill someone. So I'll come to you, Onee-san. You just wait.

oOo

**A small, blond girl, clothed in a lab coat that was way too big for her and looking very similar to the woman I mentioned before, crept into the Organization's science laboratory. She clicked on a few buttons with her computer mouse, took a disk, and left, as quickly as she had come. The difference? The data, that said "Kudou Shinichi-missing" was now "Kudou Shinichi-dead."**

**If you hurried down the streets as the same time the shrunken Miyano Shiho did, you would see a girl, rushing to get to her destination and tripping over her adult-sized clothing. Her damp hair clung to her face with a mixture of sweat and rain (it was raining that day). **

**On close inspection, you would find that her face was not childish at all. Her teeth were clenched, and perspiration beaded on her forehead. But most astonishing of all were her eyes. They held an overwhelming combination of hate, rage, misery, desperation, and most of all...hurt. If looks could kill, everyone on the street would be dead by now.**

oOo

AN: This is just a prologue, kay? So bear with me as I begin to start another story...Please review! How fast I write will depend on how many reviews I get!


	2. Why?

At first, I didn't want to put "To Mouri Ran-san" because I wanted to let you guys do the guesswork on who Haibara is writing to...but I did anyway because I don't want to confuse anyone, ya know?

So let me know if you want me to put names in future letters or if you want to guess in a review.

In my journal, I have all sorts of weird things (letters, photos, seashells, etc.), so I'm including that stuff in Shiho's journal.

With the exception of no photos or seashells.

oOo

To Mouri Ran-san:

Why should I tell you his secret?

It would put me in danger. It would put him in danger. After all, I can't trust you. For all I know, you could know Them and be spying on us.

Why should I introduce myself to you?

It hurts when he talks about you with that gleam in his eye. Why it does, I do not know yet, but I'll find out. And in the meantime, I don't have to open up about myself. Don't even bother to think about it.

Why should I thank you for making porridge for me?

You're just utilizing one of your talents. It's as simple for you to whip up delicacies as it is for me to recite scientific formulas.

Why did you protect me from the bullets that They were shooting?

I know. You're just pretending to be nice so he'll be impressed. I've seen through all of it.

Why do you remind me so much of my sister?

You have nothing alike. She really was kind and gentle. She was the only family I ever had.

Why do I let you call me "Ai-chan?"

It's so fake. That's not my real name anyway. When Yoshida-san says it, it actually sounds sincere, but it doesn't when you say it. So why do I let you?

Why do you smile at me?

I'm not one of those cute little kids who always thinks of something witty to say, and I don't look at the bright side of things. In fact, I'm a pessimist.

Why do I want to protect you?

You're not even one of my friends. You are just another person who lives on the face of Earth, another composition of cells and water.

Why are you my friend?

I know that I just said that you weren't, but there's something in me-intuition, I guess-that says that there's something more to you. And even if I wanted to hate you because he obviously loves you, I can't. You remind me too much of my sister.

Why are you so nice to me?

I've done nothing to deserve it.

I've always relied on conclusions based on hypothesis and reasoning. Maybe all this time, I've been wrong.

Maybe, just maybe, there are some things that can't be explained in life.

Signed,

Haibara Ai

oOo

AN: I hope you can tell that this is a letter. :) Anyway, this plot bunny came to me out of nowhere. In fact, it was like this:

**me: **(humming) la da la li lu laaaaa...la da la li lu laaaa...

**evil plot bunny: **GROOWWWLLLL! ROWR!

**me: **Aaaah! Who are you?

**evil plot bunny: **I am an evil plot bunny!

**me: **Oh. Okay. (continues humming)

**evil plot bunny: **Stop humming. Your voice is horrible.

**me: **Oh. Okay.

**evil plot bunny: **I want you to write a fanfiction.

**me: **Oh. Okay.

**evil plot bunny: **(whispers plot into my ear)

**me: **Oh. Okay.

**evil plot bunny: **Got it?

**me: **(nods)

**evil plot bunny: **You better write it. Or else...(cackles wickedly)

**me: **Oh. Okay.

**evil plot bunny: **Stop saying, "Oh. Okay!" It's so annoying!

**me: **Oh. Okay.

**evil plot bunny: **!#$!$#! I just don't get humans. (sighs and walks away)

You see? It was like that. Don't worry. I have conversations with evil plot bunny-san all the time. Honest! What, you don't believe me? *sighs and puts a hand to forehead*

Whatever.

Just review, 'kay? :D


End file.
